This is an edict from our Puritan reviewer Dennis Daley regarding The Endicott Review Spring 2012 edition :)
The Endicott Review
Spring 2012
Volume 29, Issue 1
Beverly, MA
Review by Dennis Daly
What is this you’ve put in my
hands, Palfrey? Have you no sense. My
name, Endicott, defiled in this abomination of a magazine. Let our Puritan band
discover the followers of these mountebanks and mirth counterfeiters. Every copy of this Endicott Review must burn.
See to it.
But hold, let us determine
punishment now. I want the editor to swing for this veritable maypole of
perfidiousness. Just paging through it now I read of mirth and alcohol and
dancing and masques and bright colors and whispers of heathen sex: all this
from an undergraduate journal that has been loosed upon our world by its
faculty advisors.
What say you? There is no editor,
only an editorial board. Then let us pick four of the most deserving as our
scape goats. The one called the Wolf King must die tonight. His very alias
denotes him as the Lord of Misrule. In his poem, Who Am I/Enigma, he says,
For who am I?
Am I a great and noble leader
Am I a wise and intelligent
scholar
Am I a strong and strapping
Adonis
Am I a kind soul
Or a despicable villain…
Clearly we have a ringleader
here. There are others.
Hadley St. Clair consorts with
evil doers and satanic manifestations.
Consider these lines written by her,
The man who taught me
how to write poetry
talks to wolves and cats,
wears tuxedo jackets and speaks
fluent jazz.
Jess Richard anthropomorphizes
crows and is delusional. She’s lost to sin and Beelzebub. She writes,
Crows
he told us
they recognize faces.
In a prose poem entitled Drunk
Poet Society, Larissa Burgess contemplates a dissolute life. She says,
…I’m thinking about becoming a
drunk. Maybe I cant be a
great alcoholic like Bukowski or
Fitzgerald or Plath. But I’ll write short, sad poems about
the things I’ve tried and
failed..
Good ancient Palfrey, set up the
gallows for all of the aforementioned editors. Henceforth editors at The
Endicott Review will think twice about their chosen subjects and the awful
responsibility they bear creating out of nothing a true literary magazine with
expectant and zealous votaries.
Who else dawdles their precious
time with demons and beasts giving scandal and ruining souls? Ronnie Tuscano
admits that there is
… a war that rages in my soul
fought between two great
creatures
The wolf and the tiger
a creature of the night against
one of the day…
He cleverly creates ambivalence
here and thus deserves three days in the stocks. Arrest him.
Tyler Golec in his affecting poem
entitled A Silent Song mourns loneliness and need and praises youth and music
and drunken rapture as a sanctuary. More pagan delusions! He says,
Girls sway drunkenly as they
enjoy youth
Long youthful legs shown off,
breasts left partially bare
The night whispers sex from full
young lips
And you listen to the whispers as
you get stoned…
Twenty lashes and perhaps Tyler
will appreciate our solemn quietude.
Luke Salisbury’s piece,
Fragmentation, 1960 portrays the depth and sensitivity of his thirteen year old
persona, listening to the drunken words of hardened adults, and there lies the
problem. His prose is too pensive, too deft for our new world of stark
sainthood. He describes the breakup of the parents’ marriage as a force of
nature, cruel and unstoppable. This prompter of internal life and an apparent friend
of the magazine must be stopped. His unacceptable artistry demands forty
lashes.
In the deep dusk of the forest
Jason L. Roberts obviously cavorts with practitioners of the black arts. In his
poem, Prehistoric Love, he confesses,
Velociraptor of mine
Claw me to shreds
Pick out my fantasies and dreams
and stomp on them
I am yours to command for you are
my lord
My savior…
Not less than twenty-five lashes.
Zvi A. Sesling, a friend of the
magazine, commits the unforgivable crime of minimizing death and the evil ones.
He speaks of the “broken frame of life” with authority as if he knows something
in poetry too profound to tell in plain language. He says,
Death does not steal them
From us
They hide waiting for us to
Join them
The eternal smile permanent…
This poet worries me: forty
lashes. And lay them on heavily!
In her poem, Anywhere But Here, Meghan
Perkins admits devil worship. She says,
I want to take a running leap off
a cliff
and dissipate into smoke,
drifting into the stratosphere,
returning to dance on the face of
the moon,
Arrest the woman and jail her. We
will provide a fair trial before we hang her.
We have a true outrage by poet and
friend of the magazine, Doug Holder. The table of contents places his poem, It’s
Like Putting Lipstick On A Pig, on page 32. But it is not there. They smeared
it instead on page 26. Concealment will not work, however. Righteousness uncovers
licentiousness wherever it hides. This poem is a mockery of all that we hold
dear. Holder spews,
When she pouts
put the red on her
porcine lips
A Red Flag around her mouth
because no make-up
will disguise the genuine
whine and plea of
her insistent oink…
Holder makes us, a congregation
of saints, wallow in the human condition. He deserves both thirty lashes and
the stocks and then you will secure a signed confession of his wizardry. Pile
rocks on his naked chest if necessary. When you are finished with him, good Palfrey,
bring him to Salem before the Great and General Court in shackles and we will
think more on this. The man is another Thomas Morton and not fit to be in our
colony.
The art work throughout this
magazine reeks of deviltry: from the expressive paintings of Arielle Matthews
to the magnetic photograph of mother and child by Brittany Mellon. The artist
responsible for the idolatrous cover must be pulled from his or her anonymity
and justice will again be meted out, fairly, of course.
Prepare the fire, Palfrey, the
Spring 2012 issue must not survive this night.
Endicott:
ReplyDeleteEvil, in all its multifarious, egregious manifestations, really pisses me off.
I daresay you've nailed this issue to a quaking board. Upon frightfully wayward youth, and a few leering old guys, you have pressed reform.
Well done, good and faithful savant.
Tomas
I know thee, tomas, and thou art a good man to preach against iniquity. Woe unto them who test our keen swords.
DeleteIknow thee Tomas. Thou art a good man to preach against iniquity. Woe unto them who test our keen swords.
DeleteAh Denis, ye wiley divvil, think not that we know not what ye're about, feigning to denigrate that which ye hold dear. Yes, we've espied ye slily slurping the brew of a revelrous Saturday morn at the deceivingly inelegant French-monikered Au Bon Pain, seemingly seeking cloistered refuge behind your cuppa brew in that bardly brauhaus. But those of us who have hearkened well have heard ye holding forth with fabulous fluidity, sonorous sophistication. And now you've committed it to print for all to see. You have outed yourself. Your secret is out.
ReplyDeleteWell good on you, mate!
-- Manson
Alas, Manson, I am undone.
DeleteManson, thou hast unmasked me as yet another ink-stained wretch, nothing more.
Delete