The Sunday Poet: Hadja Bangoura

Hadja Bangoura

Hadja Bangoura joined Teen Voices Emerging (Boston's teen girls' writing and empowerment program) to challenge herself to try something new like creative writing. Bangoura feels taking this risk had a great impact on her as she is now confident with writing poetry and personal essays, along with public speaking. Her work has previously been published in both film form and written form in Northeastern's Woof magazine and Wilderness House Literary Review. She has appeared on Somerville's SCAT TV's "Poet to Poet, Writer to Writer" show. 

She and I: My Battle Within 
By Hadja Bangoura

My insecurity is my best friend 
and at the same time my worst enemy. 
I carry her with me everywhere. 
And she’s something I can put away 
for awhile,
and then she comes out 
without my consent 
and tells me things that play with my mind. 
I’m never able to control her. 
She lives and breathes inside of me,
blinding my eyelids,
crushing my spirit
tying down my tongue, 
tearing apart my words, 
shutting down my heart,
pulling on my veins,
choking on my emotions. 
I am gasping for air.

She sleeps inside my head -- keeping me up all night
and demands that I push others away from me 
so she can have my undivided attention. 
She tells me that I am not worth anyone's affection, 
I am not beautiful enough for someone to love me, 
I don't look like the other “typical” girls 
so who would accept me in these conditions? 

Soon I watch myself distancing my loved ones 
as I moved from city to city, country to country.
My shame seeps outside of me,
growing out of my pores.
I am afraid others can feel its aura.
I try to hide it with jokes 
and distracting myself with laughter. 

But when I get home, I tear up 
as I peel off the mask I wore all day.
With every tear I wipe away,
I begin conquering her,
opening my eyelids,
lifting my spirit
releasing my tongue, 
declaring my words, 
resuscitating my heart,
untangling my veins,
breathing my emotions.
I am victorious with my battle within.